Guidance

Positive Guidance and Discipline

All children need guidance and discipline. Children are not born knowing right from wrong or safe from dangerous. They don’t have social skills and they don’t understand the culture in which they live. They learn these things through many different interactions and experiences in life. Adults play an important role in guiding children’s learning about these moral, social and cultural norms and safety issues. Discipline comes from a Latin word meaning “teaching” or “learning”. The word is not often used this way any more, but perhaps it should be as children are taught to control their natural impulses and be disciplined in their behavior. This doesn’t mean rigid, but it does mean self-controlled. Guidance and discipline ought not to be harsh, degrading, belittling, humiliating, hurtful, or harmful. It ought not deprive a child of food, sleep, socialization or other basic needs.

Guidance ought to be positive and respectful. We know to set clear expectations and to follow through. Even as adults we respond better when we are instructed in what to do rather than what not to do.  For an example of the type of instructions that can be used with children, please read Guiding Sarah.

Adults who provide positive guidance help children learn to solve problems. The problem may be how to build a block structure without it falling over or it may be working out a difference with a friend. In this situation, the adult may ask leading questions, such as “I wonder what would happen if you did [such and such}?” Sometimes children make bad choices and adults can help them recognize the bad choice and help them discover a better choice.   To see how adults can help children with their decision making process, please see Brandon’s choices.

Some child care programs set up a table or space where children can go to work out their differences. Generally children are given simple guidelines for problem-solving with a friend. It is important that children recognize that they own the problem so they don’t drag the teacher in as mediator (of course, teachers must resist being the mediator). Some common steps to teaching children to solve problems are to

 1) Stop the situation,

2) Identify the problem on both sides,

3) Create an understanding of how each side feels,

4) suggest solutions

5) decide on a solution together

6) implement the solution and

7) evaluate how well it worked.

Adults may need to help children learn this process by guiding them through it with leading questions, but the actual expressions and solutions should come from the children.

A more specialized intervention may be necessary when a child’s behavior is very difficult to guide or severely disturbed. In New Hampshire, child care providers may contact PTAN or their local regional infant mental health team (which connects families to services for children age birth to 6) for further assistance.